We welcomed Baby Rose Athena into the world on Sept. 16, at 12:50 p.m. Here’s her birth story (with a little bonus background, for posterity’s sake).
Rose’s Story Begins
Rose’s story officially began last December, when after having an early negative pregnancy test (but it still being too early to confirm), I went for a run. During said run, I started crying to Taylor Swift’s song, “Mean,” and figured that might be a sign something weird was going on with my hormones. I was in a very bad mood, and as I stared at the bottle of wine chilling in the refrigerator, I told myself I could open it if I went and took another test and it was negative (even though it was still a little early). And wouldn’t you know it, that test, which was not an early detection brand, came back with two, no-bones-about it pink lines.
I’d really wanted that wine, but this was good news too.
In Which We Debate the Pros and Cons of the Baby’s Sex (As If We Have a Say in the Matter)
Pretty much immediately, I began to worry about how it could ever be possible to love a second kiddo as much as I love Pippin, as I’m pretty sure all people (especially mothers, I suspect) about to welcome a second child into the world do. We were on the fence about wanting a boy or a girl. We’d both kind of wanted a girl the first time around, but we had come to adore raising our wild, sensitive, (too) clever boy. We also kind of figured that brothers have a special bond, just as sisters do, though we also knew that brother-sister duos have their own special relationship as well. But as time went on, the pregnancy felt so different, and I found myself yearning for a girl for several reasons:
- My pre-kid thoughts that I’d have a girl
- The morning sickness was worse
- I’d always told Pippin he was my favorite boy, and I didn’t like feeling I might have to change that.
- My mom was threatening to disown us if we weren’t having a girl
- I suspected I was having a girl (Crying to a Taylor Swift song? Come on.), and I hate being wrong.
So when we went for our 20-week ultrasound, I was feeling pretty nervous. Our baby was being very modest on the ultrasound as well, and we were afraid we weren’t going to be able to find out. The tech said she was 60 percent sure that we had a girl, but I told her that would definitely not be good enough for the grandmother. She kept looking, and we finally got a clear shot. She raised her certainty to 90 percent, which she said was as high as she ever went, and so we felt relatively safe buying a pink cupcake to announce the news to my mom. Tyler made fun of me, as my reaction may have been slightly (OK, much) more elated than when we received the news that Pip would be a boy.
Fast-forward through the rest of the pregnancy: I started out heavier with this one, and though I gained less, I think I definitely felt that extra weight. I actually kept running for about a month longer into my pregnancy this time around, and I walked like a madwoman (thank you, Fitbit), but I found that, just like the first go-round, my body just really liked to hold onto every bit of weight it could. After a series of negative reactions of growing intensity on my part any time anyone at the birth center brought up my weight, they finally stopped mentioning it. I suspect a note was put on my chart. In any case, the pregnancy was rougher on me than Pippin’s was, and I was ready to be done.
But apparently my womb is something of a 4-star hotel, and my babies are content to stay put until I forcibly evict them. After doing castor oil with Pippin on the advice of my midwives, I told them I wanted to avoid that option if at all possible. Even as we passed the 41-week mark, my opinion has solidified that it wasn’t a route I was willing to go this time, even if it meant a hospital induction. Instead, I would try everything else, and I was given the go-ahead to pump to try to stimulate labor. After several days of managing to trigger contractions only to have them taper off shortly after I stopped pumping, I was feeling pretty downtrodden about the likelihood of managing another drug-free childbirth. I had my membranes swept for the third time at 41+4, and pumped that evening for several hours with the same results. I went to bed, figuring I’d at least get some sleep, but it wasn’t to be.
Labor Finally Begins
Contractions finally started coming again on their own around 10:30 p.m., and continued throughout the night. They tapered off around 4 a.m., which allowed me to get a nap, but woke me again about 45 minutes later. Around 7 a.m., we were told to come on into the birth center, with contractions picking up in intensity and about 6 minutes apart.
The room we’d put down as our preference wasn’t available, so we were put in the only available room: the one in which Pippin was born. It seemed fitting somehow. I labored walking around the room for a bit and enjoyed a smoothie before getting in the tub and enduring contractions there. I didn’t seem to be progressing as quickly as I’d hoped, so I got out of the tub. Contractions were getting much stronger, and they felt less and less manageable. Poor Tyler, as excellent a birth partner as he is, had to deal with me yelling at him a few times. It’s so hard to be a birth partner, because you know the basics of what you can do to help, but you never really know what the woman in labor is going to want or not want. Labor sucks, but I know that being a true birth partner has to be its own kind of hell, despite the privilege.
Cathy, the same midwife I called “the Closer” last time was with us for most of the laboring process, and she guided me through different pushing positions on the bed. My body never took over like it did with Pippin during the pushing process, which was both disheartening and exhausting. I suspect it’s because my water never broke, so there was nothing, well, to grip onto, so to speak. I remember joking between contractions about how it was so silly that I’d wanted so badly to go into labor, and that a C-section sounded pretty good right about now.
But once they assured me I was making progress, and with Cathy directing and Tyler right there with me, I managed to find some strength to keep going.
Our Baby Girl is Born
I felt the ring of fire once but couldn’t complete the push, and I knew I had to do next time to stay sane. Cathy told us to get a camera ready, and I said, “Not like this!” I remember I was sweating from the exertion, but on the next contraction, I pushed and pushed and pushed, and pulled so hard on Tyler’s shirt I’m surprised I didn’t rip it off. After what felt like forever (I’m pretty sure I remember yelling, “Get her OUT!”), she was put on my chest as they pulled off the remnants of her amniotic sac. She’d come out “with a veil,” and during the process to get her out of me and into the world, it was broken and pulled away. As she screeched (she sounded like a cat who’d been stepped on), I felt her kick out her legs immediately down my torso, just as she’d done for the past several months in the womb, much to my chagrin.
Everything in those first few minutes is a bit of a blur. I had Tyler take Rose while I delivered the placenta, which took longer than I remember. (I think most of this labor experience was marked by impatience on my part.) In comparing the two births, I’ve been describing them as inverse experiences. With Pippin, the first 90 percent was torture, and the last 10 percent was great. With Rose, the first 90 percent was great, and the last 10 percent was absolutely terrible (despite being totally normal, minus my water never breaking or being broken).
An Honest Appraisal of Finding Our New Normal
The last several weeks of pregnancy, I was already experiencing anxiety about how Pippin would handle everything, and wanting to make sure that the transition was as positive as possible for him. Baby Rose had brought him many gifts to the birth center (three books and two Duplo sets, which is probably overkill, but #momguilt).
I’m not sure Pippin ever really grasped the concept of the fact that Baby Rose would eventually come out of Mama’s tummy, which how could you at two years old? He looked a little confused when my mom brought him into the room and he saw the baby. We didn’t really try to force anything and mostly just let him focus on the gifts, emphasizing that they were from Baby Rose. He’s been into the Birthday Song lately, so he and Daddy and his Aunt Chrissy and Gaga all sang Happy Birthday to Rose. I told him he was a big brother now, like in the book we read, and he said, “No!” and hugged Daddy, which was admittedly pretty cute and probably the sentiment of many big brothers and sisters out there. (Aunt Chrissy also got that one recorded for posterity.)
I managed to keep it together until we were heading home, about 5 hours after Rose had entered the world. I didn’t have an immediate connection with Pippin right after he was born, and I didn’t have one with Rose either. And I felt both guilt at that fact plus nostalgic for our days with just Pippin, which is a lot of emotion on a day where you’ve endured both a physically and mentally exhausting experience. I knew it would get better, and that Rose and I would develop just as strong a connection as Pippin and I had as well, and Tyler reassured me of all this too, of course.
Most of my baby blues weepiness in the first few days were related to missing Pippin and wanting him to be happy. I sensed (or thought I sensed) a little sadness and uncertainty in him, and whether real or imagined, it broke my heart. He’s understandably been asking for a little extra attention since Rose arrived, wanting to be carried, etc. He’s uninterested in Rose probably half the time, and curious the other half, which seems like a pretty good mix. On the second or third day, he said, “I kiss Baby Rose,” and I instructed him to kiss her on the head, which he did — twice. So when he is interested, he’s very sweet and sometimes a little too helpful (e.g., tossing one of his old soft toy rattles onto her head — which she slept through).
We’ve done our best to give him some fun days and some one-on-one time with each of us as well as lots of family time, and his Aunt Kate has been especially sensitive to him needing extra attention.
I was really weepy on Day 5, and having had a pretty rough time with postpartum depression last time around, I was worried it was coming on again. Tyler cancelled some brief plans to stay home because I was so weepy, despite my objections, because he’s a wonderful husband and parent. We’d both been taking shifts staying up with Rose because she’d been vomiting quite a bit (normal, but still scary), and we’d both had a couple of really rough nights in a row. So we decided, since the vomiting had passed, to move to keeping her in her room at night and trying to get some sleep while she slept. I’d started pumping exclusively since she wasn’t a great latch and I didn’t want her to get dehydrated from all the vomiting (plus it had worked very well for us with Pippin), so we were able to both take turns feeding her, and we were both able to get a full night’s sleep, even if in chunks. And that has helped tremendously. We also scheduled a day date for next week, which is always a nice thing to have on the agenda.
Yesterday, I didn’t cry at all, and I’ve only been a little teary today in writing this about Pippin’s transition, which I think is normal and not baby-blues related. I don’t think I’m out of the woods yet, but I’m feeling more optimistic about avoiding PPD this time around, or at least experiencing a less severe version.
Baby Rose and I are still working on our connection, but it’s growing. I remember saying to Tyler some time around when Pippin was six weeks old, that I’d loved him from the start, but that I felt like I was really starting to fall in love with him finally. I expect it’ll be similar with Rose, as she starts to become more and more human, and we start to settle into various renditions of our new normal.
When I was reviewing what I’d intended to accomplish and what I actually did accomplish in 2014, I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I had a lot of lovely, wonderful, life-affirming experiences.
I visited Washington, D.C., for the first time. I returned to Paris. I got married to the love of my life and had the wedding I wanted. I honeymooned in New Orleans & St. Louis. I super enjoyed being the mother of a one-year-old.
On the other hand, in a year where I proclaimed my one word as “Core,” a year of getting back to the core of whom I am, reclaiming myself as a writer, getting back in shape, etc., etc., well… That’s where I disappointed myself a bit. I revised one screenplay. I wrote less than 100 percent of a couple of first drafts. I wrote a mere six short stories. STILL went nowhere (& I can’t justify siphoning more money into trying to get it somewhere). And despite finishing a round of P90X3, I ended up gaining 20 pounds instead of losing the 20 I had left post-Pip.
I spent several weeks reviewing my year and trying to figure out where I wanted to go in 2015 and how I could create the best ways to make that journey happen. And what I settled on for my one word for 2015 is this: YES.
This word’s meaning for me this year is two-fold.
Firstly, I’ve had a long string of collecting nos when it comes to my writing. After the high of being named a semifinalist in the Austin Film Festival screenplay competition, it’s been nothing but NO ever since. It’s been disconcerting and disheartening, and it hasn’t been good for my motivation. But I’ve decided this year I’m going to start working toward getting my YES again, even if that means putting myself and my stories out there and collecting a few more nos along the way.
And secondly, I think 2014 was a year of allowing myself to say no to a lot of things. Too tired? Not enough time? Not enough space? Not enough mental energy to focus? Then no, you don’t have to write or work out. You can binge-watch Grey’s Anatomy or Gilmore Girls or Scandal or any other show you’re way behind on instead.
By allowing myself to say no so often, I ended up with results I’m not very pleased with. So, this year, I’m saying yes to my goals, despite hurdles. I’m tired, but I’m going to spend 10 minutes plotting out a few points of this story. I don’t have much space nor a babysitter tonight, but I can jump on the stationary bike while I watch that next episode of Gilmore Girls. And yes, we can rearrange our schedules so that I get at least one night a week out of the house to write write write.
So that’s my thing for 2015: YES. It’s going to be another crazy year with its own set of obstacles and hurdles and adventures and twists and turns. But I’m going to do my part to make it a good one. Neil Gaiman always has the best New Year’s wishes, so I’ll leave you once again with what he said this year:
Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It’s too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand.Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love.
First and foremost, top news in my life is that this happened:
And I mailed off the executed marriage license today, so now he’s officially stuck with me.
We had an afternoon wedding (and the weather, rather kindly, turned out absolutely perfect), and afterwards we took our kiddo to my parents’ house, put him to bed, and then headed out to a movie with our now-combined siblings. And if that doesn’t say “made for each other,” then I don’t know what does. (The movie, by the way, was Gone Girl, which is kind of hilarious, we know.)
The next day, we jetted off to New Orleans for a few days, where we ate way too much, and drank way too much, and heard a lot of amazing street musicians, and saw a lot of weird and/or beautiful things.
And now we’re back and trying to get back into the groove of everyday life, which is equal parts bummer because I have to go back to work on Wednesday and pretty great because we generally enjoy our everyday life.
I’ve been working on several pieces of fiction with the goal to submit to Fireside Mag and finally made my choice and sent off the one I liked best today. (The first two issues of Year 3 are currently free to read online, by the way, and feature some great stories [not to mention accompanying artwork], so they’re definitely worth checking out [and supporting!] if you’re interested in good fiction written by authors that actually get paid for their efforts.)
One of my goals in the coming year is to submit to more anthologies/magazines/etc. and to maybe even (gasp!) get paid for some fiction. It’s a funny thing to talk about trying to get paid for creative endeavors, but artists do have bills to pay, and while I’m lucky to have a day job that supports myself and my family, it’s nice to think about being able to live on one’s passions some day (or at least get help living on).
And that brings me to NaNoWriMo, an endeavor for which I never expect to receive a dime, which is OK because there are forms of credit beyond cold hard cash. I’ve written before about why NaNoWriMo is so important to me, and this year, Year 10 as I mentioned in my last post, is no different. As it turns out, I’ve decided I’m doing neither the story that haunts nor the new idea, but the NEW new idea that grabbed my attention about a week ago. Creative energy is a weird thing, isn’t it? And with something like NaNoWriMo, I really believe you’ve to go with whatever’s exciting to you in the moment.
So that’s what’s going on around here. Settling back into life for a week before we jump on the rollercoaster of 1,667 words a day for a month. Life is good.
NaNoWriMo is sneaking up on me this year, which isn’t very kind of it given this will be my tenth year. You’d think by this point NaNoWriMo and I would be like old friends, comfortable slipping back into our old patterns and inside jokes even after months apart.
Alas, Year 10 is throwing me for a loop like usual.
I’d been planning for months to write a story idea that popped into my mind thanks to a logline competition over on the GITS blog.
But then, just in the past week or so, an old idea has been nagging at me. It’s an idea for which I’ve done many, many drafts in screenplay form. But I’ve never been able to sufficiently break it. It’s the idea I’ve come back to the most, the one I’ve never been able to sufficiently capture despite the fact that I always feel so close. And it’s whispering in my ear again, haunting me again, trying to convince me to try giving it the novel treatment instead.
So, it’s the age-old question for me: write the new thing, or write the thing that haunts? I try to alternate, and I have been slowly working on a new idea over the past few months. I’m planning to wrap up Draft Zero before I head into November. And after that, I’m thinking more and more it may be time to visit the ghost once again.
Oh, hi there.
You know how Woody Allen never watches his films once they’re completed because nothing ever lives up to the vision of the story he had in his head? Well, I get that. I was so excited to start on my current (not sure how apt that word is, given I haven’t worked on it at all since March) script. I’d watched the key scenes in my head, had even been brought to tears by some of them. But when I started placing words on the page, it all fell apart. Compared to what I’d envisioned, it was just… bad. Which, of course, is what first drafts typically are — bad. But I think I was too in love with the story when I started, and seeing a lesser version of it was disheartening. I’ll get back to it, maybe even sooner rather than later, but I’ve been in a funk for week because of it. And continuing to grow my collection of nos for STILL hasn’t exactly helped.
I’ve still been writing, of course. Freelance work has been keeping me busy, and while that is great and awesome and I would happily welcome more of it, the dark clouds always loom closer when I’m not writing my own stories. The artwork I’ve been producing has been keeping them at bay for the most part, but it’s time to get back on the wagon.
So I’m committing to writing every day in May. Writing on my own stuff, that is. It might be the script. It might be a short story. It might be another idea I’ve been tossing about in my head. But whatever it is, on any given day, I’m going to write.
It’s not quite as scary as NaNoWriMo was back in November, but it’s still a little daunting given the lack of concrete ideas I’ve had lately. But NaNoWriMo was a creative kickstart for me, and I’m hoping my own personal Camp NaNoWriMo in May will have the same effect. And when in doubt…
And now, for a shameless plug! If you like any of the images you’ve seen here, you can purchase prints or digital downloads at my etsy shop, which helps support my coffee habit among other things (like keeping my ever-growing kiddo clothed).
Some months seem to stick around forever, and then others seem to happen in a snap of the fingers. For some reason, February seems to be moving at light speed. For example, I meant to do this post in the first few days, but here we are, past the midpoint of the month, and I’m just now getting to it.
This is the month I dove back into my first new screenplay in a number of years. While I didn’t really work on anything last year, the few years before that had been spent reimagining, rewriting and polishing previously written scripts. So starting one from scratch again has been fun, awful, exciting and a total slog. Which is pretty much how I remember it.
January was spent researching and outlining, and I set myself a deadline of February 1 to begin.
I haven’t met my writing goals daily, but as of this morning I’m sitting at 36 pages, and I’m OK with that. I’m definitely dealing with that writerly phenomenon of the words on the page paling miserably in comparison to the movie in my head. I love that movie in my head, and I know I can get closer to it in subsequent rewrites. But you have to have a first (shitty) draft to do rewrites, so I am struggling onward and making sure I get at LEAST a page in daily, even when it is literally the last thing I want to do (and given I typically do most of my writing between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. before work, that’s not all that rare).
Speaking of rewrites, I did rewrite an old script (mostly a polish, really, with a couple of scenes getting a total makeover), and I’m scheduled to do the final read-through on that later this morning. Trying to get into the GITS habit of stacking projects.
I’m also taking my first Skillshare class: The First Steps of Hand Lettering. It’s a way to do some art with my hands, and I’m one of those weird folks who enjoy actual hand-writing things, so it’s been a good fit (if you are interested in taking a Skillshare class, you can click on that link and get us both $10 to use).
There are all sorts of classes in all sorts of subjects at Skillshare, usually for about $20 (they offer discounts pretty much all the time, though), so it’s definitely worth checking out. Granted, the class has been at least partially responsible for me wanting to do a print with a background that looks like blood spatter, so….
I’ve also been going through this sort of belated nesting phase (and yes, I still hate the term “nesting,” but my former choice of “pregnancy-induced mania” doesn’t apply here since I am not pregnant). So I’ve been attempting to cook a lot more this month. Which has actually gone pretty well, except I feel like I’m perpetually cleaning the kitchen. Which I guess is better than perpetually not cleaning the kitchen (not that I’ve ever gone through phases like that…).
Lastly, I started P90X3 back at the end of December, and I have miraculously made it through almost two blocks (we’re in the last few days of the second transition week) without missing a workout. It’s been the perfect program to get back into working out daily since the workouts are only 30 minutes (which T has lovingly sacrificed for me, despite the fact that he already has to wrangle the Pipsqueak while I’m at work every day).
So, things are pretty busy around here, but it feels good to be busy again near the levels I used to keep myself pre-Pipsqueak. I feel like I’m myself again, which is an awesome feeling, and I actually feel like I’m way more present when I’m hanging out with Pip and/or T now that I’m pursuing my own passions again.
For my first #fridayflash story of 2014, I’m taking part in Chuck Wendig’s Fairytales Remixed challenge (subgenre: “grimdark fantasy”). I actually already had this story in mind when his post popped up, so apparently it was fate. Or at least good motivation to actually get the words out of my brain and into the world. Please enjoy, and be sure to check out the other entries in the challenge as well as stories from the #fridayflash community!
SLEEPING BEAUTY’S SECRET
Aurora stole away just as dawn was breaking. The king would not rise for another hour, and the nurses would tend to their little ones until breakfast. This was her time—precious and rare—and she had to use it wisely.
Dressed in peasants’ attire from a lifetime ago, she kept her dark scarf draped over her golden hair and kept her eyes downcast as she made her way through the village and toward the woods. Though she knew it had given her many advantages, sometimes she cursed the gift of beauty bestowed on her by the fairies.
She thought of the other gifts she’d received as an infant and tried to remember the last time she’d sung anything. Her children were too old for lullabies now, and the nurses had taken care of that most of the time anyway.
Stepping into the thick, damp air of the forest was a relief, but she didn’t slow her pace. Not until the din from the village had been silenced by the swaying of the trees and the chirping of the birds did she relax. Finally, she heard a sharp cawing, and she stopped. She was here.
Before her was a small clearing where the green had faded away, as if shrinking back from something different, something fearsome.
Aurora approached the center of it where the smallest black vine pierced through the ground. She saw that it had sprouted thorns in the week since she’d last visited, and the sight sent a thrill through her body. Perhaps there was still hope.
She had been so young when everything happened. Only sixteen. What had she known of true love? Even now, she knew that it had been true, and maybe even that it still was. But she also knew that love was not the same as happiness.
Despite everything, she could not explain why she was here. She knew it was dangerous. Perhaps it was some remnant of former magic, drawing her once again into the grasp of evil. But there were no fairies now to hide her from her fate, and she had found no weapons or spells to fight the darkness in her own soul. So she tended to the little black vine, in hopes of some day facing the being that had put it there.
She pulled out a small knife from a pocket hidden in her skirt. She grimaced. This was the part she hated the most. Another sharp caw from the sky beckoned her onward. She glanced up and met the crow’s red eyes as she removed her glove. And then she grit her teeth and slashed the blade across her palm, breaking through the barely-closed gash that was already there. She held her hand over the soil surrounding the little vine, and let her blood soak its roots.
© 2014 Elizabeth Ditty
Every year I sit down and review how the past 12 months have gone: what I’ve accomplished and what I wish I had. And then, from that analysis, I set my intentions for the next year.
As I detailed in my 2013 Year in Review post, my word for this year is CORE, and I have a sort of three-pronged approach to that in 2014.
The first bit of returning to my core values is getting back to my “fighting weight.” I’m tired of carrying around this extra 15ish pounds. I fit into most of my old clothes, but they don’t fit how I want them to fit, and I’m ready to feel confident in my appearance again. On a non-aesthetic note, the extra weight isn’t doing my knees any favors, and motherhood has a way of really messing with your skeleton and connective tissues.
The plan is, for the first three months of the year, P90X3. I’m already a week in and love-hating it. I’ve been rotating in the occasional P90X workout (along with Jillian Michaels, Bob Harper, and the occasional cameo appearances by Shaun T’s Insanity, Minna Lessig, and even old-school Cindy Crawford) for years now, but I’m super enjoying the new 30-minute program so far. My sister and I started on Christmas Day (and my other sister started on her own a few days later), so we’ll all be keeping one another accountable.
After the 3-month cycle is up, we’ll see where I am and what I want to do next. I have workout ADD, so I’m sure I’ll be ready for a break from Tony Horton, as much as I enjoy his goofy antics. Luckily the weather should be improving then, so maybe I’ll get a chance to start pounding the pavement again soon after.
In any case, ramping up the exercise and improving my diet by getting back to basics (eating a whole-foods-based, balanced diet and calorie counting) should get me back into tip-top form this year.
There are a lot of focus areas that fall under the umbrella of life, but here’s the quick version:
- Cook more. It saves money and offers the opportunity to cook healthier meals, plus I enjoy the exercise in creativity. Cooking can be art, too.
- Travel. I need to get out of the country for a while, folks. I’ve got a touch of wanderlust in me, and it’s been almost 4 years since I’ve left the States. I was planning a big trip for my 30th birthday, but then life decided a metaphorical trip was in order instead. But 2014 is the year I make it outside these borders. I always make it a goal to go to three new and/or awesome places, and this year I’m hoping to get a little bit further from home at least a couple of times.
- Orderliness. My modus operandi has always been “organized chaos,” but the “organized” part of that has fallen a little bit by the wayside in the past year. Learning how to live with another human being and then adding a third one to the mix — not to mention one who comes with his own impressive and constantly changing paraphernalia — has thrown whatever habits I might have had into the maelstrom. But I feel more focused when things aren’t so chaotic in the house, so I’m going to make an effort to get better at keeping routines for cleaning and mess-containing.
This is the area of my life that took the biggest hit last year, but toward the end of 2013 I rediscovered my passion for writing and creating. Fitting the creation of art in with the first two prongs is obviously a challenge, but plenty of people do it, and I’ve discovered that I can actually do it pretty well, too, when I put my mind to it. I’ve got big goals and big expectations for 2014, and here they are.
- Read 24 books. I hit this goal in the most technical sense last year, but this year I want to read 24 actual books written for adults (though young adult totally counts). I’m making a habit of reading before bed instead of playing Candy Crush, because Candy Crush is the DEVIL.
- Watch 52 movies. And here I’m talking actual movies. TV is great and has its own viewing benefits beyond entertainment, but the medium I write is film, so I need to be watching more of those. And 52 is a drop in the bucket compared to what I used to watch.
- NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month is near and dear to my heart, and this will be my 10th year participating (and presumably winning, since I’m stubborn like that). I’ve already got a candidate for the story this year, but November’s a long ways away, and I’ve got plenty to focus on before it rolls around.
- Write 12 short stories. The #fridayflash community is great for this. If you’re looking to get into the habit of writing on a regular basis, the weekly commitment to writing a short story of 1,000 words or less is a great way to get started. Plus the #fridayflash community is not only talented but also supportive. I plan on participating monthly this year at the least.
- Write (at least) one new screenplay. It’s been a very long time since I’ve written a brand, spankin’ new screenplay, so this is the year. I’ve got one in the works right now, and I’m hoping to write “FADE IN:” by Feb. 1.
- Rewrite two screenplays. I’ve gotten notes back on several screenplays, and I’ve got enough time between my last drafts that I’m ready to go back to them. I’ve got one major rewrite (the one that has plagued me since, oh, 2008?) and one hopefully lesser but still important rewrite to tackle before the year is out.
- Make other art. Last year I did a couple of art projects: one mixed media piece for Halloween and a painted sign for Christmas. They were fun and totally not writing-related, but they exercised parts of my creative brain that sort of whet my appetite for writing efforts. Austin Kleon talks about this in Steal Like an Artist (highly recommended, by the way), and I’m pleased to report it works quite well for me. So I’m planning on keeping up with the arts & crafts this year again. I’m also a quasi-monthly participant in #fmsphotoaday on instagram, which is an excellent way to train your eye to see the details of life.
Setting Intentions for 2014
I think there’s a lot of value in setting your intentions for the year (or month or week or day). If you’re looking for some guidance on how to get started, might I recommend the 2014 Writing Goals series over on the Go Into the Story blog? Whether you’re a screenwriter or not, there’s a lot of good advice. Just insert whatever your passion is when Scott is talking about screenwriting, and his advice will set you on the right path.
I’d love to hear about goals from you all, too, plus it’s good juju to get them out into the ether by posting the publicly.
In any case, here’s hoping that 2014 holds a lot of magic for you and that you find the wherewithal to see it, grasp it and send it back out into the world.
2013. One minute here, the next gone. This year has both flown and taken forever, depending on the moment or milestone or how many times Pip woke up during the night. But at least I sort of knew it was going to be like this going in, and for the most part, I feel like I’ve been able to take things in stride. A clumsy, tripping-over-blocks, sore-knees, lumbering sort of stride, but a stride nonetheless.
- 2008: The Year Everything Fell Apart
- 2009: The Year I Put Everything Back Together
- 2010: The Year I Became Me (aka The Year of Awesome)
- 2011: The Year of the Roller Coaster
- 2012: The Year That Threw Me for a Loop
And so 2013 joins the ranks as
- 2013: The Year of Constant Evolution
My word for the year was “EVOLVE,” and that proved to be right on target.
Looking Back at 2013
I’ve survived almost 10 months of motherhood, and I’m happy to say I still love my life, even if it looks quite different than it did a year ago. In the interest of pure honesty, there are of course plenty of aspects I didn’t/don’t love.
- Pip not sleeping through the night from 3.5 to 9ish months
- Post-partum depression
- The hopefully somewhat temporary (let me have my dreams, OK?) disappearance of spontaneity from our lives
- Buying diapers
- Constant spinal misalignment due to lugging infant carrier/breast pump/baby/all the baby’s stuff everywhere
- Getting up at 4 a.m. on weekdays to pump (which I am thankfully not doing anymore, though still getting up at 4 a.m.)
- Missing out on 9 hours a day with my family to earn a paycheck that doesn’t come from writing or writing-related things
- Carrying around 15 extra pounds because the “breastfeeding makes you lose ALL THE WEIGHT” promise is a terrible, terrible lie
- Not writing (or even rewriting) a single screenplay
- Pip not sleeping through the night form 3.5 to 9ish months
Yes, I put that one on their twice on purpose. But I digress.
The truth is, between my truly amazing co-parent and my always-willing-to-babysit family, I am very, very, very lucky. And even though this year was extremely difficult in some ways, it was also extremely awesome.
- Managed (barely) a drug-free childbirth
- Made it through post-partum depression
- Took 7 trips
- Family vacation to Tampa
- Day trip to Joplin
- Overnight Getaway to Kansas City proper (our first night without Pipsqueak, so it counts as a trip)
- Weekend trip to Springfield, Mo. (which we now believe is a terrible place, except for they have the Best Cookie Ever at the big huge Bass Pro place there)
- Road trip to Plymouth, Wisconsin, to see T’s family
- Weekend getaway to Branson, Mo.
- Family vacation to Disney World
- Wrote 17 short stories (this one was my favorite)
- Finished my short film, STILL, and began submitting to festivals
- “Won” my 9th NaNoWriMo
- Read 17 books that weren’t kid books plus a bunch that are kids books so technically exceeded my goal of 24 books DON’T JUDGE ME
- Saw somewhere around 50 films (way less than a typical year, but still close to one a week on average, plus doesn’t count all the Chuck/Dexter [no spoilers; I’m only on season 5]/Orange is the New Black/Game of Thrones/Breaking Bad/House of Cards/Parenthood/Derek/Doctor Who I watched)
- Picked up four new freelance clients (Need editing, writing, document/ebook formatting or blogging? Check me out.)
- Wrote 35 posts for my freelance blog before motherhood took over my life
- Wrote more than 75 freelance blog posts for clients
- Wrote 11 posts here on this blog
- Lost all but 15 pounds of the 70 or so I gained (granted 29 of those were shed in the first week after, BUT STILL)
- Ran the Thanksgiving 5K for the 4th year in a row with my sisters + T + his mom & brother
- Did two art projects toward the end of the eyar
- Took a bunch of photos and even put some up for sale
Looking Forward to 2014
“Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.” – The Rev. Basil King
I thought about using the word “center,” but that sounds a little too peaceful. I want to get a little nuts.
For a few months after Pip was born, if I’m being totally honest, life was about survival: making sure I was surviving, making sure T was surviving, and — above all — making sure this tiny little quasi-human we’d brought into this world was surviving and thriving. While some days (and weeks) still feel that way, I feel like we’ve found a groove more or less. It’s sort of like a river, “always changing, always flowing” (yes, quoting Pocahontas because I am a total nerd). But it’s generally in about the same place at least.
So, if 2013 was all about preserving (and regaining and redefining) sanity, then in 2014 I want to get a little nuts again. I want to challenge myself to get back to the core of who I am — and I’ve long professed that the core of who I am is a writer, a creator, an artist. And while my output in 2013 wasn’t completely terrible, it was nowhere near, say, 2009-2011. And that’s OK. But I need to get back to it, because that’s who I am.
Happy New Year to You & Yours
That’s it for me and 2013. Here’s wishing you find the magic you’re looking for in 2014!
It’s the last Friday of the year, which is hard to believe. Thanks to the #fridayflash community for helping me keep up the writing, at least sporadically, during my Evolutionary Year.
TIME IS MONEY
Henry couldn’t see what all the fuss was about time, but he was bound and determined to find some. Being only five years old, there were many subjects on which he’d only scratched the surface, but he’d heard lots about time.
He knew, for instance, that time was quick, and that, if you weren’t careful, it would pass you by without your ever realizing it. He figured if he could launch a surprise attack, he’d have a good shot at catching it. He wasn’t sure how long he spent crouched between the potted ficus tree and the sofa, but his entire left leg fell asleep, and his mom started calling him for dinner. He would try again tomorrow.
He’d also heard that time flies, so he spent the next day up in the branches of a tree with his slingshot, on the lookout for flying time. All he saw were sparrows and the occasional airplane flying high above, but he never saw anything that looked liketime.
Henry began to suspect that time was much sneakier than he’d given it credit for. Perhaps it was hiding right under his nose all this time. He ransacked the living room, pulling the cushions off the sofa, curling up the rug, and digging in the dirt that held the ficus tree. When his mom came in and saw what he’d done, she yelled, “Henry, I don’t have time for this!” Which, he thought, was exactly the point. But he knew better than to say anything at a time like this.
That night, before his parents came in to tuck him into bed, Henry had a long timeout, which gave him time to think. As his eyes drooped, one last thought surfaced: “Time is money.” It was something he’d heard one of his father’s friends say one time, when they’d all been over playing games with black and red cards, and having drinks Henry wasn’t allowed to taste.
His eyes flew open and drifted to his piggy bank. He’d been saving for a big boy bike, but maybe this was more important. By the time his parents came in to tuck him into bed, he’d made his decision. They entered to find him on the floor with the rubber disk from the bottom popped out and the pig’s contents spilled on the floor.
“What are you doing, Henry?” his father asked.
“I tried to find more time,” he said, “but it was hard. I couldn’t do it.”
His parents looked perplexed, and Henry knew they didn’t understand. He sighed and gathered the few bills and coins from the floor.
“You and Mom are always saying you don’t have time and that you wish you could find more.” He saw his parents exchange a look, but he didn’t understand what it meant. “I looked for it everywhere, but I don’t really know what it looks like, I guess. But anyway, I remembered that time is money, so I thought this might help.”
He handed them what amounted to his life’s savings. His mom looked like she might cry, and Henry began to fear that he’d really messed up this time.
“Am I in trouble?” he asked.
His parents shook their heads, and his mom scooped him into her arms.
“Not at all, darling,” she said. “You’re the best boy in the whole world.”
He nestled his head into that space between his mom’s shoulder and neck, and his dad wrapped his arms around the two of them. He loved it when they did that.
As they tucked him into bed, he couldn’t help but feel the problem still hadn’t been solved.
“Maybe if we all hunt for time tomorrow, we’ll have better luck,” Henry said.
“I bet you’re right,” his dad said. “But for now, it’s time for bed.”
Henry didn’t have the energy to protest. He yawned, and his parents took turns kissing him on the forehead.
“Good night, sweet boy,” his mother said.
“Good night, son,” said his father.
Henry closed his eyes and soon dreamt of clocks and wings and skies.